Deadly Women (with Matt Fullerty)

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Friday, February 23, 2007

Dutch Mark Flies to North Dakota

England, What happens when a Dutchman flies to North Dakota (no joke)? A whole lot of lovin'! Take the scene from Love Actually where the naive young British lad lands in the Mid-West, only to be seduced by 4 (count them) Coyote Ugly-Pretty small town (nice) strippers, in that classic American Anna Nicole Smith (without the body pump) way.

Well imagine a horny little Scottish-Dutch lad from the lovely flat plateau of the Cheshire plain and my home town of Warrington, North England, making the same plug for American red-blooded joy in...LA?...New York?...no why go there when you can go to North Dakota?

Or why go to North Dakota when you can go anywhere else. Well the Dutch Missile and Muscles from Brussels, my friend Mark "Cuba-Cubaaa-Have a Cigar-Zigga-Zig-arr" Zeegers knows in his bones but (G-d) only knows the real answer. Okay, I just remembered. He's flying 3000 miles to see an American girl. Are they worth it? Well, yes, because us Europeans (scratch that, us British, scratch that, Englishmen, scratch that, Northern English lads - you can take the boy out of Wilderspool Causeway, but not the Wilderspool Causeway out of the boy) can vouch for it, treated as we are like castrato-on-tour for our dulcet tones that sound like glass on sandpaper back home.

American Girls, So Incredible, as the poet says: Holding a candle right up to my hands /Making me feel so incredible...I could have been anyone you see / She's nothing but porcelain underneath her skin...Holding a candle right up to my hand / Making me feel so incredible.

No I don't have copyright from Counting Crows and never will.

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