Deadly Women (with Matt Fullerty)

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Further Adventures of HP Sauce

My father recently scared me by saying all HP was stopping its bottles in the UK. It's true. In June 2005, our American cousins Heinz purchased HP manufactuers, HP Foods, from Danone (HP Foods was already French-owned), moving HP production from Aston, Birmingham to Elst in the Netherlands. Hence my friend Martin "Zigga" Zeegar, a half-Dutch half-Scotsman now living in Rotterdam, has kindly taken to smuggling HP through American customs, I confess. Please Dutch people, though you're becoming less liberal by the hour, keep smoking and keep importing! Otherwise bring on the Fourth Anglo-Dutch war. If we can't find the missing WMD HP, let's get Maggie Thatch back and bring on the all-American armada! When they came for the brown sauce, we said nothing...and without HP England might turn to unholy red sauce (another well-known Heinz import) in despair!

Fortunately there is a vast HP import market to England. So lovers of the HP (and a few brown-tongues who prefer their Daddies Sauce) needn't worry. Cook up the grill, let's BBQ Thanksgiving. The British - well, their condiments, at least - are coming!
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